Saturday, August 31, 2013



All day storm advances
inky sky threatens
lightening shoots sparks
sunset bathes clouds
in feathery scarlet
puddles a mirage of wet colors
I sway in doubt lost in a hole 
from too close introspection 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I Need a Massage

I Need a Massage

Strong fingers working
muscles, tendons, bones
I need a knead working
muscles, tendons, bones
staff of life making bread
it begins in the nest

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Against the Wall

Against the Wall

Concrete rigidity
how do I do that
against the wall

Beaten each day
against the wall
how do I do that

I fluid through it

Dusk Sky

Sky tumultuous
layers of clouds upon clouds
stack up like mountains
wisps of whites stack in front
streaks of pink against blue sky

I love clouds, love circling
around them in a plane
without mountains in Florida
clouds are my mountains
again and again

Monday, August 26, 2013



Photos capture
what otherwise might be missed
except once there were only words
and visions we held in our heads

I love having photos
I imagine the words to match



My life is a logjam
difficult to find sense
communing when 
synapses fail
plaques and tangles
logjam connections
struggles ensue

Friday, August 23, 2013

In the Overall

I had words in my head
to address the overall
he interrupted thought
said, “What about him if
I don’t take care of me?”

He is right as it is about
having a child again
complete responsibility
for someone else who 
depends upon me. 

In the overall is demand
and I am swimming away
from the octopus sucking
me down a dark crevasse
I had words in my head.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Lunch With Susan

Lunch with Susan

“You have free will,” she said.
“I do?”  “I do,” I said, a new
phenomenon for my way of 
living my life cowed by him
who tells me how it is
how it will be forever and ever
in his threatening voice and
facial grimaces and I wonder
at me and how I have endured
this for what seems like forever
still, I cower, I am at fault
for I never should have allowed
the cowing bowing down to him
I have free will, she said so.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I Feel

I Feel

I feel
I feel

I Want Him To Go To Bed

I Want Him to Go To Bed

I can’t be me when he is awake
I am who he thinks I am and yet
I disappoint him all the time for I
am not who he wants and yet he
tells me I am beautiful and smart
and how cherished I am until I 
open my mouth 

I want him to go to bed so I can
relax and be me to do whatever I do
as me whatever I am that disturbs
him and disturbs me because of him
I hope he really is in bed asleep
I hope I have the energy to be me
I am so tired now from interaction

with him it is always about him
it is always about how he is right
it is about “Quiet, I was talking!”
I try to interject while not interrupting
but the interjection is seen so and then
I want him to go to bed though I will
have to creep around to be me

Monday, August 19, 2013

In Pursuit

In Pursuit 

In pursuit of my misery
he yells and threatens
bangs on the locked door
I have to open or he will
knock it down, so he says
he accuses me of things
I have not done, didn’t do
the neighbors must hear
I am surprised the police
haven’t come as I have
been close to calling 911

Every night is a nightmare
sundowning, I believe they 
term it and it is horrific after
a lovely dinner when suddenly
Mr. Hyde appears threatening
with bodily harm and I don’t
want to be here even with my
knowledge and compassion
it becomes too hard to care
my neck hurts from fending off
from rigid fear and worry

In the morning there is loving
during the day there is friendship
he says kind words about my care
tells me I am necessary to him
and appreciates that I am here
I tell him I wouldn’t be anywhere
but here to care for him to love him
to help him on this journey we
traverse together one step at a time
the other numerous health issues
the drug trial that will arrest progress 

Evil one that I am, I’m not sure I want
him stuck where he is for it is often
unbearably hard yet how can I say no
for the future without arrest is grim
today is doable for him with quality
it is only hard for me to bare and so
I persevere to keep him whole as I
can with modern science trials that
pursue arrest 

Sunday, August 18, 2013


If my heart lay on the floor
a tribute to self effacing 
where I was persuaded
that I was at fault in degrees
over the years

Why didn’t I change if 
I saw it that way

Why didn’t I rescue us
from that period if

locked in my singular space
I had no vision
nestled in my own reality
does that except me

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Hot and Cold

Hot and Cold

It is hot and cold
each moment switches up
hot anger cold shoulder
yelling that isn't yelling
yelling that is yelling
depends upon the speaker
and the one who is hearing

It is crochet
the pick ups the skips the drops
the interweaving of communication
that can become a beautiful piece
or something impossible to unravel

I know it is my responsibility
to make it work but work it is
hugely demanding hugely difficult
when there is no longer reason
though there never was
it was always about who was right
it was always about he was right

He holds onto right with clenched fists
while he hasn't a clue from minute to minute
as to what he has done or not done
as to what I have done or not done
what day it is what time it is what plans
have come undone in this craziness

I sometimes feel I am unraveling
but I buck up for what would that get me
or us except more lost and lost is not good
yet it has gotten bad enough suddenly that
I fear for each moment what might transpire

He threatens leaving by walking out the door
that could come to no good and terrifies me
he won't let me console him pushes me away
sleeps on the couch until I wake him and take
him to bed who is melting down rapidly
after years of a gentle decline he dropped off a cliff

Saturday, August 10, 2013



It is a lonely night
he makes accusations
I can’t answer to them
I say, “You are right.”
It is the best answer
It only heats him more
yet to deny is worse.

He’s fallen off the cliff
no reality, no sanity
it is sad, it is tense, it
is frightening to see 
how his brain is ravaged
all of a sudden unexpected
when a week ago was fine

He is grim and angry and
not rooted in reality, he thinks
things are as they are not and
I am afraid for him, for me too
in this insane circus of a brain
gone awry with plaques and
tangles and night

Friday, August 9, 2013



Words play in a glistening trough
bob and swirl through my mind
slip and slide as I try to grab
ones to convey my meaning

Turtle clock ticks minutes away
they reel out swiftly, catapult me
away from today not yet ready 
no precious time to waste

The dog wants to play 
the duck game
one of his favorites
after the squirrel game 

He pouts now as I type 
gone all evening he was alone
I alternate words with play
his life span shorter than mine
Sun sets sickle moon rises
three nights a Perseid Shower
words play in a glistening trough
if only I could put them together

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Mountain Climb

I thread my way
climb the mountain
in salt crusted shoes
landscape takes
my breath away 
clouds around my head
I sit to dine on bread
gravity works against me
shadow descends
plans gone awry
I have a sense of dread

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Hired Help

I get to live in the big house
not come over each day for
a paid amount

I get to cater to the Boss

Tea Garden Bridge

Tea Garden Bridge

The bridge arches steeply like a rainbow
one entrance evident the other obscured
leaves float on the stream beneath in this
fuzzy universe without sound

I See

I See

I see my ancestral 
and futuristic sides
my hands today 
are reptilian 



Stitch, stitch, stitch it 
all back together again
it only comes unraveled
loops fall in disarray 
colors melt into mud
hope dies to form a pattern
that will get us through the day
everything spills out on the floor

Thursday, August 1, 2013

My Heart

My Heart

pink against
a Valentine
I don't bleed
I persevere