Saturday, December 27, 2014


It has arrived
full blown hatred
threats of suicide
physical attacks
mental attacks
total mayhem

There is no reason
shall I call EMTs
or the police or let
it all blow over
in the morning no

Except I remember
everything as days
pass in misery over
and over and over
I try, I give, I do all
I can from love

Insanity doesn’t know
love and compassion
or appreciation for
what it takes to care
for a loved one with
Alzheimer’s Disease

It is a lonely journey
it is a thankless journey
it is a brutal journey
tomorrow it begins again
again the struggle to
survive another day

Monday, December 1, 2014


I had a song
in my head

it was a motion picture

many people were talking all at once
I couldn’t understand anyone

Loud motorcycles screamed in my ears
the TV droned on and on

I had a song in my head

I switched the song off 

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Thanksgiving 2014

Giving thanks in many thoughts coming and going

Giving thanks for what is right here before me

Giving thanks for who went before me

Giving thanks for all who go beyond

Sunday, November 23, 2014

We Hung the Dali Today

Erin climbed on the couch
I selected the height
she measured to center it
it is so fine as we enjoy it

Tonight Miami lost to Denver
as I poached salmon in miso
soy sauce and ginger while I
regaled looking at Dali in


I Think I Wanted You

I think I wanted you
but I was afraid of you
for you are so strong

I didn’t think I could
live up to what you
want, need, desire

I think I settled for less
I think I missed  passion
I know I wonder often

I Think I Wanted You

I think I wanted you
but I was afraid of you
for you are so strong

I didn’t think I could
live up to what you
want, need, desire

I settled for less
did I miss passion

for this has been ok

Saturday, November 15, 2014


We went shopping today
I bought numbered prints
Dali, Chagall, a Haitian painting

I am thrilled with this art 
can’t wait to hang them

but, is this poetry I’m writing? 
Yesterday’s Garden

I trimmed the pool garden
it had become out of control
I dove into dense foliage
giving light to vamped orchids
hidden from attraction

I gleaned three bags full
my shoulders joyously sore
I love to tend my gardens
I will glean more tomorrow
outside gardens beg attention

I Wish

I wish to be a caterpillar
all those feet and bristles
always advance or retreat
orbital eyes see everything

I would love to undulate
in a lovely fur coat across
lovely beds of succulents
brushing not eating as

Snails munch holes in
leaves and destroy roots
and I must give them
a shot of beer to destroy

Their eating of succulents 
for they love to get high
on beer just like me as I

relax while snails drink
Just Like Lightening

I was cooking
bringing it all together

It began lightening
dinner done

I cruised outside
for the light show

He ate alone
I couldn’t leave

Now I dine
on excellence

It is so good
sharp and peppery

just like lightening
Fancy Pants

I used to swing
high showing
ruffled panties
I was only five.

Only five I felt
an orgiastic pull
I was sensual
is it natural?

At five heady I
pumped that swing
higher and higher
a thrumming bird.

As I got older I
settled into cotton
plain and white
no more erotica.

Now I shop at VS
sexy panties win me
with enchantment
fancy pants.

Too Hot!

Everything is too Hot
Hot intercommunication
tempers and issues Hot
Melt down occurs each
day is a roller coaster
I stretch and meditate
the black hulk demands
constant attention with
numerous attacks as
to being left out and he
is my constant attention

January 10, 2010


I am a fraud, I can’t do this
strong woman, endearing spouse
we are neither of them, I can’t do this.
It is too hard to entirely give up myself
I have too much ego. I am caught
in a snare of self and there is no place
for self in this endeavor, this demand
by a stronger than I am man, a man
without reason, a man screaming
to maintain control in his out of
control existence.  A man used to
complete control, and I think he will,
without intention, crush me.
I cannot do this.

February 13, 2014

He sent me sailing through space
I crashed breaking my humerus
surgery, a plate and thirteen screws
physical therapy still to this day
in early May, with yet months to go
he was out of control.

I cannot do this.

Lunch with Susan

“You have free will,” she said.
“I do?”  “I do,” I said, a new
phenomenon for my way of 
living my life cowed by him
who tells me how it is
how it will be forever and ever
in his threatening voice and
facial grimaces and I wonder
at me and how I have endured
this for what seems like forever
still, I cower, I am at fault
for I never should have allowed
the cowing bowing down to him

I have free will, she said so.


Grieved we mourn loss
loved one taken away
without our permission
a hole where they were
in our lives while they
travel planes unknown

We miss them sorely
while they are freed
from pain and sorrow
as they plane through
peaks and troughs
through eternity

In bliss with freedom
from all agony they
smile down on us and
wish they could tell us
how wonderful it will be

when we travel unknowns

Friday, November 7, 2014

I, Poetry

I, Poetry

I want to write a poem
they’re all jangled up
inside me they write
but I can’t get them out

Maybe I expect too little
of me or too much of poetry
but I can’t get them out
they’re way inside me

Saturday, September 6, 2014


What a word
taken for granted


Friday, August 29, 2014

My Tree

Hit by lightening
it bled out

The tree must
be cut down

Each day scorch 
all more evident

I remember the
hit that drove

me to dive

below my desk

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Angry Night

The hounds bay
it is unsafe, yet I
persevere with my
intent to educate

The hounds bay
you have yourself
your agenda which
absents you forever

You are stubborn
you have your agenda
which fails you daily
when I only want love

You just don’t get it
you could have it all
if you could lighten up

give instead of take

I lie my head
on my desk
I’m tired

I tried gently
at first yet it
wasn’t good

It did not go
so well as he
railed against

especially me
as I tried 

To connect
with him for
he and me

I tried and failed
I lie my head down
on my desk

I am tired

The brain works
through convolutions
down the rabbit hole
sense to some yet
crazy to others

I am caught in crazy
no sense to anything
convolutions array in
serious brain issues
his brain is fried

Trying to communicate
over and over again yet
not getting through I yell
the worst thing I can do
trying to make my point

It is pointless to point
to ways that could work
in a mind that is gone
yet I try all the time
I don’t get it either

I really need to get
smart to do it right
for I am not doing it
well for either of us
disappointed in me

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Sweet Brown Gravy

Sweet Brown Gravy

Sinuous and hard he
moves in undulations
without trying I'm
captivated by his ease
he aims to please and
he succeeds again and
again as I writhe on
cool pressed sheets

Trying to Find

Trying to find
anything at all
that has meaning
in this fucked up
world of crazy
special interests.
What's wrong
with that?

Trying to find
a palace, just
a simple place
that overlooks
the roaring sea.
Driftwood, trees
scatter beach with
water sculptures.

Trying to find
anything that means
sense to anyone who
can teach me anything.
What fresh air would
that be for me, who
has always wanted, to
find perfection.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

The Door

How many times
I have wanted
to walk out
never come back

I am getting better
each day a triumph
mixed sometimes
with great difficulty

I am determined
I pray for compassion
unselfishness, patience
I pray for indifference

If I am indifferent

we can survive


He seemed so
but he wasn’t
so it seems

life went on
he and me
so it seemed

Now I know 
he isn’t nice
not winsome

I cast him out
wouldn’t take
him back yet

in a heartbeat
tragedy arose
I took him home

It seemed well
for a week and
now the ogre

raises his head
I am in fear and
sadly disappointed

He seemed so
winsome but he
has his agenda

To win me he fails
over and over again
he must leave


Are we blighted before we’re born
ancestral sins we innocents pay for
is it happenstance what comes to us
whether gifts abound or sorrows
is it just “the luck of the draw” that
pays out as we move through life
I only know good things come and
not so good things happenstance

I think it is the luck of the draw

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I Never Get It Right

I never fucking get it right
no matter my intent I fail
I think my intent is helpful

Who the fuck am I to think
I can get it right I am no one
no one from nowhere 

I never fucking get it right
no matter my intent

I am going nowhere

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Till Death Do Us Part

I have no words with which to speak
they mill through my head I can’t say
for words said are my own impressions
often different from others’ perspectives

I floss through memory as to what was said
I let it fly straight outta my head
for what are words but machinations to get you

Sunday, June 1, 2014

When the Whistle Blows

When the whistle blows
it shrills my ears
soot rains down
in greasy smears
when the whistle blows

engine chugs
gray smoke billows behind 
steel wheels grind rails
gain momentum  
metal shrieks against metal

I am safe in my seat
the iron beast takes me away
from fear and injury
as I rock to and fro balanced

steel on steel I steal away

Saturday, March 8, 2014



We quibble over everything
to the point that I fall apart
and nothing gets decided
yet the clock hands race and
we must come to agreement
time is money, big money

Conversing, you are as abusive
as when I went crashing into
bone breaking oblivion sailing
past my feet scrambling for stasis
landing in hospital for surgery
plate and thirteen screws in my arm

You beg me to let you come home
you tell me you are different
now that you are on medication
but you don’t sound different
you sound forceful and it is as always
all about you

You plead but you are you and I am done
You ask me to discharge you to die
you would never kill yourself but I won’t
risk that and so the phone calls go on 
and now I won’t answer for I can’t take
abuse piled upon abuse as I sit here hurt

Sit here hurting and hurting and hurting
and you can only talk about your frustration
because you aren’t living in your lovely home
with your lovely wife that you so adore and
you didn’t mean to break my humerus, surgery
months of PT and loss of full range of motion

Wednesday, January 8, 2014