Photos

Photos

Photos capture

what otherwise might be missed

except once there were only words

and visions we held in our heads

I love having photos

I imagine the words to match

Logjams

Logjams

My life is a logjam

difficult to find sense

communing when 

synapses fail

plaques and tangles

logjam connections

struggles ensue

In the Overall

I had words in my head

to address the overall

he interrupted thought

said, “What about him if

I don’t take care of me?”

He is right as it is about

having a child again

complete responsibility

for someone else who 

depends upon me. 

In the overall is demand

and I am swimming away

from the octopus sucking

me down a dark crevasse

I had words in my head.

   

Lunch With Susan

Lunch with Susan

“You have free will,” she said.

“I do?”  “I do,” I said, a new

phenomenon for my way of 

living my life cowed by him

who tells me how it is

how it will be forever and ever

in his threatening voice and

facial grimaces and I wonder

at me and how I have endured

this for what seems like forever

still, I cower, I am at fault

for I never should have allowed

the cowing bowing down to him

I have free will, she said so.

I Feel

I Feel

I feel

round

fecund

growing

glowing

owning

I feel

I Want Him To Go To Bed

I Want Him to Go To Bed

I can’t be me when he is awake

I am who he thinks I am and yet

I disappoint him all the time for I

am not who he wants and yet he

tells me I am beautiful and smart

and how cherished I am until I 

open my mouth 

I want him to go to bed so I can

relax and be me to do whatever I do

as me whatever I am that disturbs

him and disturbs me because of him

I hope he really is in bed asleep

I hope I have the energy to be me

I am so tired now from interaction

with him it is always about him

it is always about how he is right

it is about “Quiet, I was talking!”

I try to interject while not interrupting

but the interjection is seen so and then

I want him to go to bed though I will

have to creep around to be me

In Pursuit

In Pursuit 

In pursuit of my misery

he yells and threatens

bangs on the locked door

I have to open or he will

knock it down, so he says

he accuses me of things

I have not done, didn’t do

the neighbors must hear

I am surprised the police

haven’t come as I have

been close to calling 911

Every night is a nightmare

sundowning, I believe they 

term it and it is horrific after

a lovely dinner when suddenly

Mr. Hyde appears threatening

with bodily harm and I don’t

want to be here even with my

knowledge and compassion

it becomes too hard to care

my neck hurts from fending off

from rigid fear and worry

In the morning there is loving

during the day there is friendship

he says kind words about my care

tells me I am necessary to him

and appreciates that I am here

I tell him I wouldn’t be anywhere

but here to care for him to love him

to help him on this journey we

traverse together one step at a time

the other numerous health issues

the drug trial that will arrest progress 

Evil one that I am, I’m not sure I want

him stuck where he is for it is often

unbearably hard yet how can I say no

for the future without arrest is grim

today is doable for him with quality

it is only hard for me to bare and so

I persevere to keep him whole as I

can with modern science trials that

pursue arrest