Stuck

Sometimes life just gets me down

despite how good I have it.  It isn’t right

to compare myself with others who are

less fortunate in order to feel good.

Actually it makes me even sadder.

My mother taught me when I was five

not to share my sorrows with others

when asked how I was, because they

really weren’t interested.  “Just say

I’m fine thank you, and how are you?”

She would also say, “There you go

again with those great big crocodile tears,

save them for when you’re grown up and

really need them.”  Her message, “Nothing

is real until you’re grown up?”

Will adults care when I am grown up?  It

seems everyone, now, says, “I’m fine

thank you, and how are you”  “I’m fine,” I

say as I give them a big smile, whether

it’s a fine day or quite the opposite.

For a while, when down I’d pour my heart out

to a therapist so she could fix me and I

wouldn’t feel sad anymore.  Except she asked me,

“Where is your rage!" "Where are your tears?

You share the saddest things?”  

“I want to see your anger, punch this pillow!.”  It felt

phony.   “I’m fine thank you.”  “See you next week.”

I’d cry in my car all the way home.  Refresh my

make-up to greet my family with my smiling face.

Next week would never come.