Resolutions

Resolutions

For the sake of life

I have them in mind

though to resolve is

fraught with failure

I want to live better

body first which leads

to mind for we are

one body mind

I’m stuck in a rut

of daily demise

letting  myself dwindle

without care

I just want out

its not healthy

I have resolutions

that might save me

I will go to the gym

I will walk and walk

I will swim and swim

I won’t talk

I will meditate

Opposites

Opposites

I AM STRONG

I am weak

I AM BRAVE

I am cowardly

I AM HONEST

I am a liar

I AM SMART

I am stupid

I AM AMBITIOUS

I am lazy

I AM HAPPY

I am  sad

I AM FUNNY

I am maudlin

I AM CONTENT

I am restless

I AM PROUD

I am ashamed

I AM ALIVE 

I WILL BE DEAD

Christmas Past

Christmas Past

Christmas past
tree still lit shines
on lifetime treasures
ornaments of meaning
selected gifts from friends
handmade treasures
memories of years
sharing love

Christmas past
tree still lit shines
on thoughts of
so many gone
either by death
or different paths
so many memories
sharing love

Tree still shines
on Christmas past
on Christmas now
so many memories
stories to tell
so much love
there and now
woven into me

Christmas tomorrow
add one more year
of joy, love, sharing
light the tree
live in the glow
presents past and present
give and grow

Lonely

Lonely

It is my fate

though I never mind it

I am okay with me

yet it would be

nice to have someone

I am okay with me

I Think

I think I'll sleep
on my couch
that couches me
yet I'm never allowed
he comes calling me
insists I come to bed

I think and think how
will I make it work
for both of us so we
can be delightfully
free to be individual
each onto their own

He is melded into me
I like to be free and wish
he could realize his own
separation
his separate personality
not he and me

I want him to fly
on his own careening
sailing in the sky
skimming ocean
heady and free
alive

He hunkers down
minimalist he lives
in a shrunken world
digs in to a bunker
hides his head
refuses sun

Tonight

Again the fury
I cleaned shrimp
marinated them
cooked quinoa
set the skillet to
melt butter saute
garlic with lemon
he was to cook
he couldn't so he
yelled at me and
went to bed while
I write poems
if that what they be

Pacifica

Waves pound steep shore

bleached skeletons of trees

nearly buried in sand

wind keeps them visible

Sea spray salts my skin

gray whales crest and spout

I watch them again and again

how do I describe my sense

There are no words except

the overused ones again

and again as I dream of waves

bleached skeletons of trees

 

Owls

Who Who Who Who

they answer to and fro

Who Who Who Who

one lands on the pool cage

yellow talons  cat ears

big golden eyes

interest in our little dog?

Who Who Who Who

they ask at dusk

they ask all night

into the light

Who Who Who Who

Owls

Great Horned Owls

Who Who Who Who

they answer to and fro

Who Who Who Who

one lands on the pool cage

yellow talons  cat ears

big golden eyes

interest in our little dog?

Who Who Who Who

they ask at dusk

they ask all night

into the light

Who Who Who Who?

Autumn

Autumn

I miss the early gentle days
after the heat and excitement of summer
the haze, the lull, the relaxation
the gentle lap of the lake
no motor boats, no pressure to live summer
to its fullest for it is gone
a time to unwind, reflect, enjoy
smell, see, revel, pick apples

I miss the leaves
crimson, scarlet, burgundy
orange, yellow, bronze
maple, oak, popular
that set the stands ablaze
detach on breezes
cradle down on buffeted currents
raked into piles, then burned

I miss the nutty smell of fall
the chop of fallen wood no longer green
loading logs in chill blue air
to keep us warm
through the frozen season
of black and white, wisps of smoke
warm inside
I miss the Headless Horseman

Spurious

Spurious

False prophet

     MONEY

It gives a ludicrous

sense of safety

It might buy you

a way out of chaos

Probably not

yet you strive 

to stack up earnings

It is your only goal

to accumulate 

worthless paper

Nothing backs money

it is only paper that

we keep grinding out

Once money was based

on the gold standard

always gold was sought

No more

paper money takes the floor

its all paper

I trade paper for services

I have a lot of paper

it is my commodity

Wrapped

Wrapped around must do
without stimuli inspiration
it doesn't adhere to writing

doctor's offices
supermarkets

I do try for stimulation
walks in gardens
drift line fishing

I can't get him
to the beach
or to movies

just to doctor's appointments
lunch with lunch buddies

Tonight he said he will
see a movie
I select Gravity in 3D

Maybe he is opening up
we shall see

He Asks Me

He Asks Me

He asks me

again and again

used to be irritating

can be now though

I know why

He can’t remember

anything new as he

describes it so he asks

me again and again

I know why

Yet I can’t truly understand

give thanks for my memory

that I took for granted

I’m not irritated now

I know why

I want to wrap him up 

in a big ball of memory

I want it all to come to 

him who is lost in seconds

Why oh why

He asks me

PhOTos

Is She Me

She is Me

Me is She

Waterfalls

Waterfalls

Water falls

over cliffs

pools 

Beneath

is secret

I am secret

beneath pools

I wait

Waiting is death

I Don't Care

I Don't Care

I don't care if you don't understand me
just don't try to make me do
what is abhorrent to me

I will dance insanely to your beat
I will sweat within your heat

I don't care if you don't understand me
it is enough that I understand myself

Take me even if you don't understand me
just don't try to make me do
what is abhorrent to me

I will dance insanely to your heat
I will sweat within your beat

Untitled Post

The page is blank
what I wish for
a white page
no past nor future
we had photos
taken of our
non-event
it is over
the page is blank
it is my blank page

Before Hot Screen

I breathe in deeply
I exhale
I breathe in  deeply

I hold my breath
waiting for a signal
I breathe in deeply

I exhale
lungs bursting
waiting

I breathe in deeply
I exhale
I don't give up

I Want

Wanton
I want
to luxuriate
in my own bed

Wanton
I want
in silk to sink
into ecstasy

In my own bed
I want
to listen to music
in my own bed

Wanton
I want
to luxuriate
in silk to sink

Blank

I tried to write something.
It only came up blank.
This page was empty.
Then I found it again.

Now I am going through
motions to get something
down that isn't mundane.
Why am I wasting your time

Unless it is about process.
I am writing it now
working through it I path
my way along

Where Oh Where

Where Oh Where

Where are we going
on this orb in space
spinning around God
our sun who feeds us

All of us in spite
of our level of hierarchy
spin on this orb alone
our sun who feeds us

I don't know, do you?
Do we only die and if
we die do we transcend
to another life?

Do we remember?
Would we want to?

Solitude

Solitude

To be alone

to wake each day

to revel in sunrise

to be at peace

to dine on fruit

To be alone

to revel in sunset

to be at peace

to dine on vegetables 

to lie at rest

To be alone

to be at peace

to wake and sleep

to dine and dream

to be awake

Without Further Ado

Buckle your seatbelt, Miss

navigate with grace

visions humming 

in an instant all could change

drill your young ones 

over years as they stride

for freedom
to be wise and loving

Anger

Anger

It busts harbors

roils calm waters

sets boats slipping

from their tethers

fierce it disturbs calm

caged inside erupts

all over everything

leaves one empty

quivering until next

onslaught over inane

unrooted accusations 

I scream typhoon

get out of the way!

I Am Sad

I Am Sad

I am sad

beyond sad

beyond what

sad conveys

I can’t cry

only anguish

I anguish over

pain and anger

subsequent to

impossible life

living within a

form of insanity

No sense rules

nonsense days

as life drifts by

no way out of

wasted moments

cower moments

I am depressed

beyond belief

know I need to

search for ways

to help myself

to keep alive

Days challenge

every moment

no soft time

no relaxation

no off time

no respite

I am sad

beyond sad

beyond what

sad conveys

I can’t cry

only anguish

Ping Pong

Ping Pong

My brain bounces

back and forth over

the net of insanity

paddles smash home

the intricacies 

despair circles around

as I try to make it all right

there is no right only wrong

Ping Pong 

Wind

Wind

I love language

I love word wind

it thrashes tree

stirs things around

I love language

words wind around

stir things up

how did we form

language I love

can’t imagine before

language  how words

came to be 

Wind

In The Dump

In the Dump

I scavenge

for peace

shard of tie dye

in a warring world

I scavenge 

for warmth

a quilt of love

in a cold world

I scavenge

for fairness

for everyone

an entitled world

In the dump

I pick among

bones of loss

cold hard world

On the Edge

On the Edge

Diesel engine thrum

rides us out to sea

blue sky azure ocean

light breeze

We rock all day braced

against the tide roll

heavy poles in hand

fish die desperately

Beautiful fish bloody

hooked gaffed stabbed

Bonita bleed profusely 

to the crew they are fish

we are their predators

Born from the sea today

sleepy drunkard I see

I expected thunder from

a prophet who mends

and binds me to him

There are no prophets

personal or public

who lead us away

from the edge 

Clever

Clever

It is an odd word

a bit like cleaver

a sly intelligence

hand you a saw

ripped from a nest

ripe flesh bleeds

swept in a basket

stars see a secret

you took a chance

you never blinked

Hot and Humid

Hot and Humid

I want to enjoy

cool breeze

leaves turning

soft blue sky

it is hot humid

ninety today

Polar ice melts

Miami Beach

streets flooded

where will it end

world engulfed

all ocean no land

Noah and Arafat

we learn nothing

centuries pass

lessons ignored

we continue to 

destroy all life

Over and over

again we mistake

our mission to

honor life in

variances all

contained within 

Onyx

Clouds
wet on
nightshirts
line hung

He's He

He’s He

He will 

beat me up

one way or

another

Anew Nuit

Anew Nuit 

I’m alone

first night

two years

gone bye

I’m alone

Only for a

short time

two hours

I sit to pen

in peace

I’m alone

free to be

I breathe

deeply in

out in out

I’m alone

free to be

who I am

I am finely

tuned me

Frustration

Frustration

Seeps out my pores

annihilates him

he lets me know

We are locked

in disharmony

it is my rock

to bare

In the Overall

I had words in my head

to address the overall

he interrupted thought,

said, “What about him if

I don’t take care of me?”

He is right as it is about

having a child again

complete responsibility

for someone else who 

depends upon me. 

In the overall is demand

I am swimming away

from the octopus sucking

me down a dark crevasse

I had words in my head.

War

War

I can't understand war at all

I especially can't understand

when war kills civilians 

accidentally in harms way

mistaken causalities

 

and then

there's nerve gas

that kills innocents in a

diabolical way

I can't understand war at all

I can't understand nerve gas

used on anyone at all

diabolical it kills in horrific ways

How can anyone unleash

such suffering on anyone

especially innocents 

we are all innocents 

except those diabolic ones

Birthing

Birthing

Orgiastic

room full of men

me and my baby

birthing

Rusted

Rusted

Copper gown

burnished green

pitted onslaughts

reveal environment

never adorned as she

We Looked Away

“Postwar America fell heavily under the influence of an out-of-control and paranoid military-industrial-complex. The middle-class kids growing up in 60's rebelled and a revolutionary spirit took hold amongst them. Marx was for many a guiding inspiration for revolution. Their indignation was fanned by the oppression of minority races at home and the killing of foreigners half a world away at the hands of an imperialistic American military.”

Marx made us high

united yet less committed

except for getting high

Eventually we fearful
gave up 
"grew up"
followed the path  

of cookies that lead us

to what was expected

educations, professions, families, houses
military-industrial complex

Marx made us high
united yet less committed
We looked away  

Life is Brutal

Life is Brutal

Always been

from the time

we  brought

down animals

by ourselves

No advantage

but brain, that

brain got us 

in a lot of rain

Now we have

advantage over

everything

our weapons

still get smarter 

Email to a Friend

Email to a Friend

I tried to write 

an email to a friend

all night the phone

rang and rang and

rang again

I lived in voice write

phone call friends

I tried to write

rather than call

an email to a friend

Witch Hunt

Witch Hunt

He’s after me

he’s always after me

before me

beside me

behind me

his presence heavy

he’s always after me

I duck and weave

smile until my face cracks

I disintegrate on the

floor beneath

gasping for breath

from the frontal attack

he’s always after me

He can tell if I’ve had 

something to drink

he’s after me as he 

swills his beers

okay for him but not

for me

he’s always after me

I live in fear each moment

he never lets up so I sneak

sips and puffs

a disgusting way to live

in ultimate paranoia 

I am an adult with free will

it is dangerous to assert myself

Why do I live like this

he's always after me

I'm afraid to leave 

a sad admission

I am a coward

I am one of those women

beaten down

Now I am his caregiver

after angry days we embrace

there is still love and caring

still respect and yet why

do I live like this

he's always after me

it is dangerous

Evening

Evening

All day storm advances

inky sky threatens

lightening shoots sparks

sunset bathes clouds

in feathery scarlet

puddles a mirage of wet colors

I sway in doubt lost in a hole 

from too close introspection 

I Need a Massage

I Need a Massage

Strong fingers working

muscles, tendons, bones

I need a knead working

muscles, tendons, bones

staff of life making bread

it begins in the nest

Against the Wall

Against the Wall

Concrete rigidity

how do I do that

against the wall

Beaten each day

against the wall

how do I do that

I fluid through it

Dusk Sky

Sky tumultuous
layers of clouds upon clouds
stack up like mountains
wisps of whites stack in front
streaks of pink against blue sky

I love clouds, love circling
around them in a plane
without mountains in Florida
clouds are my mountains
again and again

Photos

Photos

Photos capture

what otherwise might be missed

except once there were only words

and visions we held in our heads

I love having photos

I imagine the words to match

Logjams

Logjams

My life is a logjam

difficult to find sense

communing when 

synapses fail

plaques and tangles

logjam connections

struggles ensue

In the Overall

I had words in my head

to address the overall

he interrupted thought

said, “What about him if

I don’t take care of me?”

He is right as it is about

having a child again

complete responsibility

for someone else who 

depends upon me. 

In the overall is demand

and I am swimming away

from the octopus sucking

me down a dark crevasse

I had words in my head.

   

Lunch With Susan

Lunch with Susan

“You have free will,” she said.

“I do?”  “I do,” I said, a new

phenomenon for my way of 

living my life cowed by him

who tells me how it is

how it will be forever and ever

in his threatening voice and

facial grimaces and I wonder

at me and how I have endured

this for what seems like forever

still, I cower, I am at fault

for I never should have allowed

the cowing bowing down to him

I have free will, she said so.

I Feel

I Feel

I feel

round

fecund

growing

glowing

owning

I feel

I Want Him To Go To Bed

I Want Him to Go To Bed

I can’t be me when he is awake

I am who he thinks I am and yet

I disappoint him all the time for I

am not who he wants and yet he

tells me I am beautiful and smart

and how cherished I am until I 

open my mouth 

I want him to go to bed so I can

relax and be me to do whatever I do

as me whatever I am that disturbs

him and disturbs me because of him

I hope he really is in bed asleep

I hope I have the energy to be me

I am so tired now from interaction

with him it is always about him

it is always about how he is right

it is about “Quiet, I was talking!”

I try to interject while not interrupting

but the interjection is seen so and then

I want him to go to bed though I will

have to creep around to be me